How Difficult does it Have to Be?
April 10, 2007 at 10:00 pm | Posted in Attraction, Being | Leave a commentI just got off the phone with a friend who has ADD. She has acquired a “quasi” Master’s degree in ADD as she searches for deeper understanding about it. She has learned how to become an advocate for herself.
Turns out a lot of entrepreneurs have ADD. I’m sure my husband would include me in that category. Who knows. It hasn’t troubled me enough to investigate, there have been bigger fish to fry.
To return to my conversation with D – she mentioned how certain ADD behaviors are perceived as laziness, lack of discipline or lack of character. And I can see how I’ve had those judgments. If you need to be someplace on time, well then just leave on time. It’s not rocket science. Now I’m realizing if you’re not wired that way it requires a fair bit of energy to compensate for that.
How much time and energy do you spend beating yourself up for your inherent wiring rather than working with what you’ve got? How much time and energy do you spend trying to contort yourself to fit a mold made for somebody else?
And this is where I think some advocates of attraction are missing the boat. “Just think positively” has become such the mantra for law of attraction. What about someone who isn’t wired to think positively? Someone who tries desperately to think positively because they believe that’s the only way they’ll finally get what they want or achieve the change they desire? Are they just shit outta luck?
It’s a double edged sword. The devil and angel inside your head are continuously duking it out. No one wins.
“I am becoming a millionaire” says the angel
“Bullshit” says the devil
“No, really I am, would you just shut up and go away? You’re standing between me and my money.”
“Sure, just blame it all on me”
And round and round they go.
What if, instead of trying to argue with the thoughts you’re having, you just accepted them as they are. If you have a hard time seeing something in a positive light, why argue with it? The arguing only makes the thought dig its heels in more. Just let it be for a moment. Let it be and then you can work with it from where you are, rather than where you think you should be.
If you have a tendency to think negatively, know that’s your tendency. Have compassion for your tendency. It is what it is. And as you know that about yourself, you learn to work with it. Not fight with it. It’s in the acceptance that it’s given permission to begin to shift.
“I am becoming a millionaire” says the angel
“Bullshit” says the devil
“Oh, hey devil, how’s it going?”
“Lousy”
“Some days it’s like that”
“hmmph”
No need to duke it out. Be gentle with yourself.
Disquiet
March 25, 2007 at 9:48 pm | Posted in Reflections | Leave a commentI just finished visiting Dave Schoof’s blog The Disquiet for the first time. The post that got my attention was The High Cost of Not Engaging Our Disquiet. Even though his site is targeted specifically to men, I think we’ve all been impacted to some extent by what he terms Disquiet.
I think of my father. I think he has been plagued by Disquiet in varying degrees as long as I can remember. It’s hard to see someone you love having such a hard time finding their place. Knowing something was “off” but not able to quite put your finger on it, and just wishing for a normal family life.
Last week I had lunch with 2 friends. Our waitress first caught my attention because she was so good. Quick, efficient, friendly without being overbearing, I felt at ease with her high level of skill. Then something began niggling at the back of my mind. She started to look vaguely familiar. The search engine of my brain began to churn and all of a sudden I was pretty sure that we had grown up across the street from each other. I was pretty sure I remembered her name too. So I asked and sure enough we had. “I used to babysit you!” I’d forgotten about that, but she was right. We had fun chatting about times past, and catching up a bit.
I remember her dad quite well. They had this driveway that was really steep (at least 25 years ago it was). The group of neighborhood kids would zoom down it on our bikes, and then our roller skates. I was never too daring when it came to physical challenges. Somehow I could see myself all too easily hitting a stray piece of gravel and wiping out on my skates. So I did what any overly-cautious kid would do. I gradually inched my way up the driveway – first starting at the bottom third. Surviving that, I moved up a few more steps and so on. I believe I finally made it down from the top. But her dad, he was always outside, cigarette dangling from his mouth, putzing around in his garage, or planting flowers. I’d go hang out with him sometimes. I remember him showing me a flower that had seed pods that would explode when held in the warmth of my hand.
I also remember the neighborhood bonfire gatherings. Roasting hotdogs and marshmallows. Kids getting to stay up late. Adults drinking beers around the fire and swapping stories. My family rarely went. Mom wasn’t keen on hotdogs – too many preservatives and other unhealthy nasties. Dad wasn’t comfortable making smalltalk. I think he didn’t know what to say, wasn’t comfortable enough with himself to be able to be comfortable around others. I hated the fact that my family couldn’t be normal and just fit in for once.
And yet, I do remember my dad’s quest for meaning. Books, classes, audio tapes, poems. He’s never stopped trying to solve or make peace with his Disquiet. I’m guessing some days it’s quieter than others, but I think to this day it’s still a part of him. And as a result, it’s part of me.
The ebb and flow
March 24, 2007 at 5:48 pm | Posted in Being | Leave a commentI was talking with a colleague last week who was expressing concern about her recent slow down with clients. She realized that she was needing some time to cocoon and yet was a bit stressed about the lack of income.
I’ve definitely been there. Being present for clients the way I want to means that my resources are well-stocked and regularly replenished. When I’m juggling a lot, which is pretty much the status quo at the moment, it’s easy to put replenishment on the back burner. And inevitably that’s a bad idea. When I start to feel resentful about another client wanting to schedule, that’s a sign I’m out of balance. I certainly don’t want to resent my clients. I enjoy them and my business depends on them. And yet there’s this tricky balance between replenishing my resources, getting things done and the practicalities of earning a living. Some days I’m better at it than others.
The interesting thing is, when I look at my Strategic Attraction Plan for my ideal client one of the qualities I have down is that they are committed to their self-care. Hmmmmm. Not only that, but in the section of my plan that focuses on what I want my ideal client to expect of me, I have “take exceptional care of myself”. Walking the talk is such a pain in the ass at times 
!
If I’m not taking care of myself then I’m not present in the way I would like to be AND it becomes more difficult to attract clients that are committed to their self-care. Without beating myself up about it, I’m realizing that I am working hard and I am needing more quiet time.
To all things, there must be balance .
How do you balance your doing and being?
Some days I can pull it off
February 19, 2007 at 3:37 am | Posted in Being | 5 CommentsLast week I was going to meet a friend for lunch. At the light, I begin to enter the turn lane only to realize I’m one light too soon. Fortunately the light is red, so I correct my mistake and go back into the lane I’d just left. This action is met with loud protest from the car behind me. Not a little beep of the horn to say “you’re annoying”. Oh no, this is the loud, long, laying on the horn to say “YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!!! I am PISSED!! Hear my HOOORRRRNNNNNN!!!!!”.
I’m rather puzzled. I mean, he couldn’t possibly be THAT upset by what I’d just done. We were stopped at a light. I had made a mistake. Surely he could cut me a little slack. And yet he was that upset. I chuckle a bit at the absurdity of his response. Then I begin to wonder just how bad of a day he’s having if my error was enough to send him over the edge.
The light turns green, and I pull up to the next light and into the turn lane. This light is also red. Which gives the upset driver behind me the opportunity to tell me how he really feels. Needless to say, he’s not happy. In fact he wonders just who in the bleepity bleep bleep bleep I am to cut him off like that. What the bleepity bleep bleep did I think I was doing. I roll down my window and my heart is pounding. Time has slowed down. I can feel myself faced with the choice of being angry or being compassionate.
Somehow the words that come out of my mouth are “I really hope you have a better day, sir”. He barely pauses in his tirade. When he takes his next breath, I repeat “I really hope you have a better day.” I say it calmly and sincerely, and I know this is the end of the conversation. I roll up my window and proceed on my way.
In that moment, I was the best I can be. It felt like a moment of grace. Somehow it all came together and I was able to meet him from a place of compassion. It was so cool.
And before I come across as “holier than thou”, there have definitely been times in the past where you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between me and that driver. Hopefully I’m turning over a new leaf.
The Gift of Appreciation
February 19, 2007 at 12:50 am | Posted in Personal growth | Leave a commentToday I, and a group of others, was acknowledged and appreciated for the role we play in supporting a couple in their lives. We each contributed to the creation of a spirit wheel that will hang as a reminder to the couple of the web of support they have in their lives. It was a beautiful ceremony to be a part of.
Being appreciated is an interesting process for me. Right now, it takes requires my conscious focus to really take it in and feel someone’s appreciation. It’s easy for me to brush it off. I tend to feel a little shy about it – I want it, but feel like I shouldn’t.
At the end of my coaching training, we were asked to think back over the process, to reflect on how far we’d come, how we had changed, what was different in our lives. From that reflection we were to create an acknowledgment list. And from there we were to pair up with someone and read our acknowledgment list to them.
Oh how I resisted it! It seemed unnecessary. I mean after all, that was in the past, now I was busy putting my energy towards conquering the next challenge. When I began reading my list to my learning partner, Tara, I found myself rushing through it. Feeling uncomfortable, a little anxious. Fortunately Tara stopped me and asked me to take a few breaths. She encouraged me to start over, going at a slower pace, breathing through the process. I was really amazed at how much effort it required, but I did it.
What I realized was how important it is for me to practice that. I discovered that the more I can appreciate and acknowledge myself, the more that softens my heart, allows me to be present in the moment, helps me to slow down the striving to accomplish more, helps me to be content with where I am. When I acknowledge myself, it becomes less important that others do so AND when they do, I’m able to really receive it.
So today, I give thanks for the gift of appreciation. I acknowledge myself for being a valuable part of other people’s lives.
Oprah and The Secret
February 13, 2007 at 10:53 pm | Posted in Attraction | 2 CommentsLast Wednesday Oprah featured the DVD The Secret on her show. I was curious to see how it would turn out.
Overall I was pleased. Although I did wonder at times if anyone other than James Ray was going to be able to get a word in edgewise. Not that he didn’t have good things to say, but still James, share the air time!
It did seem that Oprah missed was the importance of feeling vs. thinking. I personally believe you can think your way all around the barn and back again and wonder why all that thinking hasn’t done a damn thing for you. If you only take the concept of Law of Attraction as far as thinking, it’s kind of like trying to drive your car without ever turning the key. Feel it, visualize it, experience it to any degree possible. Turn the key.
If you want to attract ideal clients, don’t just think about it. Feel what it would be like to have a schedule full of your ideal clients. Will you feel energized? Happy? Enthusiastic? Relieved? What benefits will you experience because your clients are ideal? More evenings at home? A renewed interest in your area of specialty? Increased income?
What actions are you willing to take to attract your ideal client? Consider what would make you more attractive to your ideal client. Maybe the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. It’s amazing how many holistic practitioners forget to take care of themselves and only focus on helping others. You’re not going to be of much help to others if you’re burned out. You’re certainly not going to be very attractive to the clients you want.
Until next time,
Feel Good, Live Well, Be Happy!
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